My parents owe me $270. And I'm not stupid. They are great parents who have supplied me with everything I need. If they never gave it back, I'd be okay. It's just a little worrisome. That my parents needed to borrow it. Trust me, they'd never take it unless they absolutely, without a doubt, needed it. So that's worrisome. My parents really want us to keep that a secret. If my grandma found out, she would freak. She would insist on giving my parents a ton of money. My parents do NOT want that. Now that I think of it, we have borrowed money from them. That's probably a reason why they're so against it. I'm also not supposed to tell my friends. They don't want anyone thinking we need help. My parents are really strong. Well, it sucks because this one friend whom I tell everything. Everything. This was hard to do, especially when it first hapenned. I felt really scared. I don't anymore, but the whole thing is pretty surreal to me.
Moving on, today I had a cross country scrimage. And guess what? I shaved a whole EIGHT minutes off my last time. Isn't that kick butt? My time is now under 40 minutes at 37:09. And you know what? I cried because of it. Not tears of joy. Last year my best time was 29:19. I know that I can't be at that right now because of my acid, and I guess that's why I cried. I just... Da**it, I just... It just makes me depressed. I'm a pretty optimistic person, and I believe a good cry is healthy every once and a while, but I'm just feel disappointed at how things are.
Right now, the old Willy Wonka moive is on. My dad loves that movie. He absolutely hates the new one. He says that the old Willy Wonka took a dump and the crap is the new one. His words- not mine. And speaking of my dad. He annoyed me to death today. I even stopped answering his calls. My dad tells me not to be so condescending, but I feel like he is condescending to me. He kept asking questions and telling me to do weird things, like get out of a car at a stoplight, so he can pick me up. He then told me that I can't continue being a girl who doesn't
understand/doesn't know about/isn't aware of her surroundings. I've been hearing that a lot lately. It hurts. I feel like it's really harsh. I feel like the underlying meaning is, "Allison, grow up." I know I live in a fantasy world (my head), but I feel like that's a part of me. I've been hearing a lot of criticism of my person, and I want to flinch everytime. I want to use that criticism to grow up and to be a better person, but how can I if all I wanna do is deny it, because I'm hurt. How can I listen when I'm hurt? But I know I need to grow up. I know. I just want to do that without losing myself. Without losing my personality, my being. Without losing what makes Allison, Allison. The flower is me.
Moving on, today I had a cross country scrimage. And guess what? I shaved a whole EIGHT minutes off my last time. Isn't that kick butt? My time is now under 40 minutes at 37:09. And you know what? I cried because of it. Not tears of joy. Last year my best time was 29:19. I know that I can't be at that right now because of my acid, and I guess that's why I cried. I just... Da**it, I just... It just makes me depressed. I'm a pretty optimistic person, and I believe a good cry is healthy every once and a while, but I'm just feel disappointed at how things are.
Right now, the old Willy Wonka moive is on. My dad loves that movie. He absolutely hates the new one. He says that the old Willy Wonka took a dump and the crap is the new one. His words- not mine. And speaking of my dad. He annoyed me to death today. I even stopped answering his calls. My dad tells me not to be so condescending, but I feel like he is condescending to me. He kept asking questions and telling me to do weird things, like get out of a car at a stoplight, so he can pick me up. He then told me that I can't continue being a girl who doesn't
understand/doesn't know about/isn't aware of her surroundings. I've been hearing that a lot lately. It hurts. I feel like it's really harsh. I feel like the underlying meaning is, "Allison, grow up." I know I live in a fantasy world (my head), but I feel like that's a part of me. I've been hearing a lot of criticism of my person, and I want to flinch everytime. I want to use that criticism to grow up and to be a better person, but how can I if all I wanna do is deny it, because I'm hurt. How can I listen when I'm hurt? But I know I need to grow up. I know. I just want to do that without losing myself. Without losing my personality, my being. Without losing what makes Allison, Allison. The flower is me. 
